hi it's been (checks watch) uh nevermind, anyway

i've been living the slow life for a bit and i've completely stopped trying with modern social media. i always liked the vibe of newgrounds, especially during that little kick-off it had in popularity, and it's not like i don't like this place. but with the advent of ai art hysteria i constantly feel torn if i should post anything at all. like i don't really care that much - if i did, i should have stopped making art already. if the point was just making a pretty image the point was defeated even before all this techbro garbage reached the public. but, on the other hand, i don't want my junk fed right into it willingly and newgrounds is a big pitstop for google to index. and then all my old art on display... it's not the worst but uh, no thank you

i told myself about this time last year i would do some soul searching about it, and then kind of figure it out in some grand epiphany. but i still haven't really. i've been dealing with bad burnout (not just art burnout but life burnout. the only thing i can do is art nowadays actually). it's like recovering from an injury where you just don't do anything for a long time, and slowly build the muscle back up... but i also have to work and take ten steps back everyday though. so honestly, i'm not high priority on making art for other people to see. i haven't for a while. i have one more zine i'm participating in this year but i'm still not even sure if i'll post it here. it would be perfect considering i haven't posted anything in a while, but the site it'll be on won't be crawled and indexed. so it's like... eh. a really big deterrent for me to even do it.

the more time goes on the less i want to have an internet identity brand i've set up for myself and just be harder to find anyway. i've been making a gaudy horrible personal website, just doing life drawings, and i'm losing the point of even posting anything anywhere for strangers to see once and forget about. i've touched grass, you could say... but i'd also like to make art my second job, and newgrounds is a relatively great platform to get on that horse. or at least have a long-running portfolio that isn't uber professional. or... maybe that's a bad thing? who knows? not me. see, this gets complicated fast. you don't want to live in my brain. i'm actually about to go in for a diagnostic screening later this afternoon so we'll see if i get on adderall and it magically fixes it for the ten seconds it'll actually work.

anyways, if i don't ever come back, that is why. if i do come back... that is also why.

i think if i start making oil paintings again i will post those because digital drawings and sketches often feel lackluster to post on their own. i'm more interested in making janky web creations and maybe informational videos about my art processes and neither will have a home on this site, and that's fine. but when my site is live i'll post it here for sure

update: i did get the adderall and i was just joking AHHHHHHH